"I jumped up, pressed myself against the barn, and then I heard such a sound... I can't tell you.

I've never heard such a sound in my life," said Natalie Klepko, who suffered from rocket fire, and it's still scary. 

"I was in shock.

Everything was on fire, I couldn't go into my driveway because two cars near the driveway were burning very badly," recalls Natalia's neighbor Oksana Isyp. 

Seven people died and more than 30 were injured.

Yulia Perevedentseva's son, 23-year-old Rostislav, is among the injured.

"My son rented an apartment in that building and was at home at the time," recalls Yulia. 

"There were three explosions.

He heard and was about to leave the house - take the phone and run out of the house.

But there was a fourth explosion, and he lost consciousness.

When he came to, he saw nothing.

He tried to find the door, to leave the apartment.

He opened the door, and a neighbor found him already in the corridor and took him out of the house." 

Rostislav was rushed to the hospital, but it was not possible to save one eye.

"I found him there, his whole face was covered in blood," Yulia tearfully recalls the first time she saw her son after the shelling.

- I ran up to him, I couldn't hug him because everything was covered in blood.

But he reassured me that mom, I'm not in pain..."

Julia made every possible effort to take care of her son.

But even then she could not think that because of her care, a bottomless chasm would lie in the relationship between her and her son. 

"It is difficult to approach him.

You often do not understand how to do it correctly, so as not to offend him, so that he does not get annoyed, because he has certain difficulties..."

Are there rules for non-verbal communication with victims of enemy aggression?

How to show your support, help people, while not harming them?

"When my son first had a state of shock, he communicated more or less," shares Yulia.

- He asked me not to panic.

But later he began to close more and more, especially from me, for some reason from me.

He has a grudge against me... We had misunderstandings, because all parents and children can have them.

But before what happened, our relationship more or less got better.

And now everything is back.

And even worse than it was.

It hurts so much." 

"There is no need for such a person to say 'I understand you', there is no need to pressure and tell them what they need to do," says Viktor Klymenko, psychologist, specialist in non-verbal communication.

- It would be more correct to ask and carefully wait for an answer.

And not to directly tell her how to live, because at this moment a person needs to come back to herself and understand what happened to her, where she is now, how her life has changed, so additional pressure will harm her." 

When words can hurt fresh trauma, nonverbal communication skills can come in handy. 

"With gestures, intonation, facial expressions, a person can ecologically express his attitude towards another," says Viktor Klymenko. 

A person in a state of shock or stress may not perceive or hear words, but on a subconscious level reads tone, posture and gestures.

Therefore, before approaching a traumatized person, you should know the key rules of non-verbal communication.

Rule one: a calm voice

Try not to get emotional, even if you are very sympathetic.

Do not speak too softly or too loudly.

State your name clearly, explain who you are.

"Speak slowly, let the person move from their thoughts to reality," advises Viktor Klymenko.

- Perhaps it is appropriate to ask about something, tell something about yourself.

If this is a relative, I would recommend the following life hack: approach and ask such a person for help.

Do something in the household, help something, go to the store.

By this, you will attract a person to life." 

Rule two: eye contact.

Do not look away or look at the phone while talking.

"It is necessary to get into the field of vision of a person, because he can be in his thoughts.

Our brain is set up so that it reacts to people's faces and turns on.

Speak up

necessarily face to face.

If a person is sitting, it is also worth sitting down, and not talking while standing.

If a person is standing, also be on the same level with him."

At the same time, keep an open and relaxed posture.

And do not violate personal boundaries.  

The third rule: distance.

It should be long enough for the person to feel your presence, but not too short so as not to cause discomfort.

"There may be moments when a person is aggressive, so the distance should not be too close," notes Viktor Klymenko.

- The idea of ​​any communication is that a person begins to pay attention to the fact that, in addition to his thoughts, there is real life.

To begin with, it will be enough for a person to overcome his negative experiences and pay attention to the fact that there are those who love him.

Another important point is hugs and touches. 

"If you want to touch, first ask if the person does not mind," advises the psychologist. 

"The psychologist explained to us that since my son can't see, before talking to him, you need to touch him, say that it's me, I'm next to him.

That is, first a touch, and only then a conversation, an action.

When I see my son, I hug him all the time," shares Yulia Perevedentseva, the victim's mother. 

Today, Rostislav lives in his girlfriend's apartment and has isolated himself from his mother as much as possible.

"I try to call every day, sometimes several times a day.

Come - no, because he asks me not to come yet," says Yulia. 

"Her son is a full-fledged adult," emphasizes Viktor Klymenko.

- Yes, something very traumatic happened to him.

But he does not want to feel that he is not independent, and if his mother wants to show him the opposite by her behavior, then he will close himself off.

If she gives him support, but not from a position of excessive care, she will have a chance of contact." 

Currently, Yulia's thoughts are only about how to help her son: "He has a dream, but he says now, we'll see how it turns out.

That is, he understands that everything depends on the extent to which his sight will be restored.

He tries not to adjust himself to the positive, so as not to be disappointed later." 

However, experts say that when you are trying to help others, the most important thing is not to forget about your own mental safety.

After all, the son can read his mother's anxiety on a mental level and, perhaps, that is why he stops communication. 

"I would recommend her to go to a psychologist to understand herself," advises Viktor Klymenko.

- The son has already started to cope with what happened to him, but she has not yet.

She also had her own ideas and expectations of how her son would live, but now everything has changed."