Returning home, the fighter brings with him the painful imprint of the front line.

Consequences of physical and psychological injuries, loss of peaceful life skills, devaluation of everything that is not related to war, uncontrolled outbursts of aggression are what military personnel and their loved ones face.

"Three months ago, my husband went to war for the eighth time.

That is, since 2014, he has participated in such a large number of military operations," Olena Bessaraba shares her story.

Her husband, the "cyborg" of the Donetsk airport, military doctor Andriy Grachov, returned from the front for the first time when he was demobilized after being wounded in 2015:

"For two months, the man was in a depressed state. He didn't want to work. I think he was resting so much from all the events that had happened. Then Andrei was very depressed and disorientated by not understanding the contrast of life: there is war, and here is a peaceful environment. Andrei could not hear salutes. And now all Ukrainians understand why: they reminded him of the sounds of explosions, after which people died. His eyes immediately ran." 

"I often hear from women: 'My husband has changed since he returned from the war, and the children can see it,'" says Inna Chukhriy, doctor of psychological sciences.

- War is chaos.

People see and feel things that their body does not want to perceive.

And the consequences of a shock injury can manifest in different ways.

A violent invasion of memories can occur - when some sounds or visual images remind of a traumatic moment, pain.

Sometimes it can even be children's toys that make sounds similar to those that the fighter heard in the war.

Then others can see an inadequate reaction: fright or an outburst of anger."  

The problems faced by Olena Bessaraba prompted her to obtain a psychological education.

Her candidate thesis is "Disadjustment of ATO veterans and their social and psychological correction".

Here's another piece of her advice:

"You need to understand that a man needs to be alone for a while. You don't need to ask the question: "What did you do there? What did you see there? And why are you so upset? And why are you so aggressive? And why don't you talk to me? I'm on I was waiting for you, but you don't love me!". There is no need to speed up the process of adaptation to a peaceful life. And one more behavioral advice from my own experience: you should not approach a man from behind, he may react incorrectly, perceive it as an attack, aggression." 

Olena experienced a similar traumatic experience herself when she went to the East in 2015 to help her husband at the front: "I was there twice for 14 days. When I returned home to Vinnytsia, I did not understand where I was. Because there is a completely different reality there . You see deaths, explosions. There are brothers. You know that your life depends on them, and theirs depends on you. They share the last piece of bread there with each other. And here - people walk, smile, restaurants, songs. These are two different worlds". 

A similar problem was voiced by the 19-year-old son of Elena and Andrii Serhiy, who came on leave from the front for a couple of weeks.

Before the full-scale invasion, he studied at a medical university. 

"During the war, his vision of the world changed.

He said that he does not even want to leave the house, because he does not understand what is happening: at the front, the events are completely different, and here - a peaceful life.

Young people have youthful maximalism, a polar perception of good and bad.

And what is in the middle is hard to perceive," Olena explains. 

Small children suffer almost the most from the loss of usual contact with military parents.

If an adult is able to analyze the cause-and-effect relationships of unusual behavior, children perceive the world and other people through emotions and feelings.

It is difficult for them to explain why mom or dad has changed.  

 "It is very important for children to explain the unusual behavior of mom and dad in words that are available to them: "He/she needs to rest, it is difficult for him/her now, we need to support him/her."

It is possible to change certain rules of behavior in the family for a while: "Now we will act like this, but soon everything will return to its place", - advises Olena.

- And indeed, in two months, the man said: "You have to get up and work, help the boys!"

One of the most common problems of those who have returned from the front is sleep disturbance.

"Sleep is not standardized in the combat zone, constant combat readiness causes its disorders.

You need to pay attention to this, because it affects the quality of life, nervousness, and manifestations of anger.

If sleep disturbances are regular, you should consult a psychologist, because sleep is a vital resource.

Perhaps the fighter will also need medical help," Inna Chukhriy notes. 

If a soldier is in a condition that disturbs the family for a long time, you should not try to come to terms with it.

Spent tension can sooner or later explode into family conflicts.

Support a loved one, do not blame him for the fact that he has changed - talk about your feelings next to him, about the fact that you are worried about his condition.

Encourage him to consult a psychologist: only a specialist can determine the depth of the problem.

Maybe you will need the help of other doctors - a neurologist or a psychiatrist.

And this should not be avoided, because untreated psychological trauma can seriously affect the quality of life later.    

"All over Ukraine, on the basis of veteran hubs and volunteer centers, there are special programs to support military personnel, as well as their women and children.

Such classes are very effective, because military families will better understand how to behave when they return home," Olena assures.

Psychologist Inna Chukhriy notes that fighters who had a job and returned to the same position adapt faster.

Therefore, our defenders need help with employment, possibly retraining courses.

This means that, in addition to the family, society should also wait and adequately perceive military personnel returning to peaceful life.

"Recently, my husband came on vacation and said: "I am very glad that this is happening, that people can behave freely, can smile, live, that there is a place where you can return to peace," says Olena Bessaraba.