Native people who are currently in the rear, who continue to build their lives in these conditions, personify the world that our defenders are fighting for.

The warmth of close relationships makes it possible to feel not only a warrior, but also necessary, valuable, alive - and it is this understanding that helps preserve life and endure all the horrors of war. 

About how to support a loved one who is fighting, and why it is important not to forget about one's inner state, Yulia Chala - an expert of the Woman Insight company, a practicing psychologist-sexologist with 12 years of experience, told.

You need strength to support

It is very important to take care of your condition first of all.

Because you can't hide it, you can't disguise it with a strained smile and "correct" words.

If the soul is hard, if fears capture the strength of the spirit - find help for yourself.

It can be sincere conversations with relatives who are nearby, or the support of a psychologist.

It also helps a lot to get involved in mutual assistance and useful joint work.

This rule does not mean that you need to cheat in communication and give out only positive thoughts, words and states.

You can talk about your feelings, but do not overload the military with difficult experiences.

First, it is too much of a burden for them now.

They can perform their tasks only by distancing themselves from their emotions.

And your feelings can "break through" the defense and stir up all that has accumulated in the soul.

Losing self-control is too dangerous in war.

Secondly, being so far away, living "another life", our military relatives cannot help much.

Such an inability to influence can provoke a feeling of guilt, and possibly aggression...

Third, we all need support.

The indomitable Ukrainian army protects us physically, and we, Ukrainians, each in his place - we protect them with our warm feelings, sincere gratitude, as well as resilience and wisdom.

To love is to believe in human strength and capabilities

Many have unconsciously written down the "rule" of true love - it is customary to worry, worry, and fear for dear people.

It is these feelings that often sound in conversations - "I'm afraid for you... I worry when you're not in touch... I can't sleep without getting an answer from you...".

Such words are supposed to show our devotion and love, but in reality, messages formulated in this way weaken the other.

It would be better to use positive paraphrasing so that your words sound less doubtful and more faith, confidence.

For example: "It's not easy... but you'll make it. I'll wait for your call tomorrow" or "I believe you'll make it, I know we'll last as long as it takes."

Talk about your normal life

While relatives and loved ones are at war, family life does not stop - big and small events take place: children grow up, grandchildren are born, etc.

Those components that used to fill your common peaceful life are now in stories, stories that we pass on to the military in everyday communication.

Shared memories have a great emotional charge, if possible, remember pleasant moments in your conversations.

This is how the common reality is preserved.

It leaves a place to which the defender will return from the war, a reminder of the life to which he or she will then have to adapt again.

Choose those topics that you want and are important to talk about in your couple.

And what annoys or depresses - now is not the time for them.

Emotional support means giving an opportunity to talk

If a military or military person has an impulse or a need to talk about something, to share something, it is important to treat such a conversation carefully and carefully.

It is best if during the dialogue you focus all your attention on your partner (do not engage in other matters at the same time), listen sincerely and with interest, and if the person is nearby, tactile contact will be the support.

The main mechanism of emotional support is to give the other person the opportunity to feel accepted.

They accept without judgment, without moralizing, without the desire to quickly offer or advise something.

Your task is to listen, to accept the entire flow of information. Therefore, put aside unnecessary clarifying questions, try not to interrupt, and absolutely refuse to express criticism or disagreement.

Instead, you can ask if you need any help?

Thank you for your trust.

It is difficult to talk about the war

War forces people to change, to adapt to the struggle for safety and life.

And in order to survive in this period, a military man or woman needs to "give up" emotionality, become collected, prudent, decisive.

Unfortunately, war requires this, but this mechanism works for both women and men at the front.

Accordingly, these changes affect manifestations in relationships - our relatives become restrained in their emotions, speak clearly and briefly, do not tell too much.

With their silence, the military creates a protective border against the pain and sorrow of war.

Therefore, one should not get into the soul of a warrior, one should not be offended if they are not verbose.

It is difficult to talk about the realities of war...

In a warm relationship, trusting each other, approaching the topic of war, you can remain silent with understanding, giving the feeling that you are close, that you are grateful.

Read also:

  • How to return to normal life despite the war: advice from psychologists

  • How to properly support a person during war

  • Witness trauma: what it is and what to do if you or your relatives have noticed its manifestations

  • Men without women: how dangerous long separation is and how to preserve relationships during war